Purpose and Life… Do We Ever Really Know?

Okay, so… I am twenty years old.

Should I have a sense of purpose in my life? Am I old enough to have a sense of purpose in my life?

Why is it that when we reach a certain age we feel that we need to have a purpose? I guess this question is rather irrelevant because it is how I feel. I feel like I need a purpose in life and I am not really sure how to get there.

I’ve been struggling for the past three or four months to start this blog. I feel like what I have to say is not important and no one out there will really want to read what I am writing on here…. and that is now fine by me. This blog is going to be boring. Really boring. So, go ahead and stop now if you do not want to be bored to tears! ūüôā

Initially I started this blog to post about the most amazing life that I have and the astonishingly beautiful vineyard that my boyfriend and I started this spring. I tried to write about it but nothing ever came out…. I am hoping that by just getting on here and talking my little heart out I will get comfortable with it and the vineyard stuff will just naturally come along. I hope so because it is great and I cannot wait to share it!

Now, What I’ve decided to do is start Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life” because I was cleaning up my boyfriends closet and it literally just said “Hey, you need to read me!” Okay. Didn’t say that…. but that is what it felt like. So here I am with the first chapter and I am supposed to reflect on it.

I’ll lay this out on the line, I am not good at reflecting… I would more so call it taking a topic and mulling it over, and over and over until I just about cannot stand it anymore. That is where maybe writing all of this down on here will help me out a bit. ¬†The book says to only read on chapter a day and I plan on doing that.

There is a point to ponder, verse to remember and a question to consider. We’ll go in order!

Day One: Thinking About My Purpose

Point to Ponder: It’s not about me.
BAM! Not starting out small here, are we Mr. Warren? Haha.¬†¬†Seems a bit contradictory when were talking about my purpose and how it is not about me. Okay. Not about me. I can do this. And the more I got to thinking about it I realized just how self-centered my life really is. My purpose is not about me because I am literally a grain of sand in the desert. BUT, if I choose to I can do great things… I can influence others and bring small bits of joy and happiness to them if that is what they need. I can make someone laugh or be a shoulder to cry on just being there and living and not thinking of yourself, putting God first, and putting others first can bring you joy and happiness. It is amazing how that works, isn’t it? I don’t know. I am going to keep working on this one. Maybe I’ll come back to it. Who knows.

Verse To Remember: Everything is started in Him, and finds it’s purpose in Him.”
Hmm. To be quite honest, it was always said in Church that “He’s the father” and what not but I never truly thought of him as my father. Father. Dad. Same thing? Hm. I started in Him before he ever knew me. That’s amazing to think about but why do I not feel anything¬†when I say that. I do not even know that I believe that. Scratch that, I want to believe that… but I don’t. How do I go about making my faith stronger? This should be something to meditate on.

Question To Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?
This is the main reason that I LOVE living where I do. The simplest answer for me to remind myself is to flat out look around. Look at flowers, leaves, the rolling land, the beautiful lake. It is all so amazing and breath taking to me that I know, I KNOW deep down that God had to have touched down on every single one of these things and known that they would be my reminder of Him. Other than that I have not come up with many more answers. It’s everywhere now. The media has taken over and there is nothing that helps point you in a positive direction. Any help with this one would be greatly appreciated!

I have a constant internal battle of selfishness that I am now trying to¬†consistently¬†fight. I know that if I can change my life, perspective and purpose around I can do great things to help others also. I just wish God would flat out yell at me though tell me what I need to do… but I guess it is never really that easy.